No matter how oblivious a person seems during their first year of life, they are a person nonetheless. Maybe that sounds like a funny thing to say, but it has profound ramifications! This is perhaps the most critical stage in human development because many of the most essential foundations are laid for the child’s mental, emotional, physical, social, and spiritual future.

First, we must realize that even though the baby does not have the capacity for logical thought, they are not completely devoid of thoughts. They recognize people and respond emotionally. They sense hunger and cry for food. They may not be able to communicate with words or complete thoughts, but they are fully human people with minds of their own.

Now, as Christians we know that human beings are not merely built of a physical mind and body—rather, we consist of a body, a soul, and a spirit. Even though the soul may not be up-to-par with those of adults, we can’t discount the reality of their mind, will, and emotions, which are all three parts of the soul. In the same way, we also cannot deny the reality of their human spirit.

The Spirit of a Baby

From a Christian standpoint, there is evidence of babies having an active human spirit from even before their birth. In the Bible, we can look at the example of Mary visiting Elizabeth. Here comes Mary, bearing in her womb the Lord Jesus; and as she greets her cousin Elizabeth, the yet unborn “John the Baptist” leaps for joy (Luke 1:41-44). Even while both babies were still in the womb, little John the Baptist could already sense the presence of Jesus.

From a secular standpoint, Thomas Verny, M.D., wrote a book titled The Secret Life of the Unborn Child, which details extensive research into how human beings are psychologically, emotionally, and socially affected by circumstances and situations during the mother’s pregnancy.

Verny starts Chapter Nine of his book by saying that medical science has proven that newborns arrive in our world with what appears to be “a breathtaking array of emotional, intellectual, and physical capacities.” He goes on to make a case for infants already possessing a personality when emerging from the womb, citing a 10-year-long study. He even discusses one study (among many others) that “demonstrates conclusively the presence of well-developed (one could say adult) thinking, including the handling of abstract ideas in the newborn.”

Verny and other doctors admit that they’re unsure how all this works (or why it even happens at all). While some things can be attributed to genetics, the rest is considered an enigma. But as Christians, we can see the divine hand of God at work, writing the blueprint of each person’s identity into the spirit He has breathed into each of us.

Genesis 2:7—…the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living being (NIV).
Job 33:4—The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life (NIV).
Acts 17:25—And He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything, because He Himself gives all men life and breath and everything else (NIV).

Stimulating Spiritual Growth in Babies

The first year of life is agreeably the most foundational period of human development. Unfortunately, the vast majority (if not all) of the textbooks on the matter neglect to convey truth about the baby’s spiritual development. Babies need direct spiritual nurture just as much as adults. We simply need to realize that they don’t function like adults, and so ministry to an infant takes on a different form. There’s no sense preaching to them or trying to unfold theological mysteries. Babies need a different kind of spiritual food just like they need different physical food.

As far as direct spiritual nurture goes, the best we can do is expose the baby to the presence of God. Let the child learn from a young age to recognize God’s presence. This can be done by taking the baby to church, praying over him, singing worship songs as you hold him in your arms, and so forth.

Since our body, soul, and spirit are so intricately intertwined, we quickly discover that directly nurturing one aspect will indirectly nurture another. As we directly nurture their spirit in the ways mentioned, we simultaneously help affect their emotions and physical development. Likewise, when we care for a baby’s physical and emotional needs, their spirit gets fed.

Developmental theorist Erik Erikson concluded that during the first year of life, a baby learns either trust or mistrust. During this stage of life, infants learn to trust others on a deep inner level. If their needs are being met, they can develop a healthy sense of self-worth. If they are neglected, they may grow up to mistrust others. Meeting a baby’s needs will nurture their spirit and cultivate their capacity for trusting others later in life. But failing to meet those needs can wound their spirit and cause them to hide in isolation as they grow up.

Clearly, it is important to meet a baby’s needs, but this raises yet another question: What are their needs? Another developmental theorist, Jean Piaget, tells us that an infant forms his or her concept of the world through the five senses. They live in a sensory world where everything is based on impulses, sensations, feelings, perceptions, and so forth. And as such, their needs are primarily related to sensations—are they sleepy? Are they hungry? Are they wet? Are they frustrated? Angry? Scared? Happy? Excited? And as these many sensations flood their little minds with input, there is always a need attached.
Some of those needs are obvious—if they’re hungry, they need you to feed them. Some, however, are more subtle. For instance, when the child is happy, we sometimes don’t pay as much attention to them; but they still need our care and attention. A happy baby is not a cause for a break—it’s an encouragement to keep taking good care of her.

As we seek to meet a baby’s sensory needs, we nurture their spirit and help them learn to trust. But there’s more to it than that. During the first six months of life, a child’s sole responsibility is simply to be. These first few months of a person’s life help one establish the validity of his or her existence. When a baby is not nurtured, she struggles with the concept that she is wanted, which directly affects her self-esteem. Conversely, if she is nurtured, she will feel welcomed and validated in her existence, laying a foundation for a healthy self concept.

How Much Love is Too Much Love?

One of the most important things to know when caring for infants is that it is impossible to “spoil” a baby. You can’t show them too much love or over-pamper them. You can’t possibly hold them too much, talk to them too much, sing to them too much, or kiss them too often. The baby doesn’t have a clue what it means to manipulate you—if they want attention, it’s because they need attention.

Some babies are needier than others, but that’s not a reason to try making them more independent. Babies don’t need to learn how to function without you—they couldn’t if they wanted to. Babies don’t need to learn to survive without you—they can’t. What babies need is loving attention from family and other caregivers that helps assure them of their validity in this world and helps them learn to trust. That way, when they’re older and the time comes for you to leave them at school or with a babysitter, you can tell them it’ll be okay, and they’ll believe you because they are comfortable with trust. If you don’t build that trust early on, then they won’t trust you as easily when you try to assure them later in life.

While it is true that in teaching a baby to trust, you can’t possibly spoil them, this statement needs to be tempered with a bit of moderation. When trust is taught appropriately, the child also learns the foundational skills of problem solving. That’s right! Even though you can’t spoil a baby by showing too much love, you can keep them from learning some basic problem-solving techniques if they never have the opportunity to perceive their needs.

How? Well, it comes in the format of “feel-think-do.” As adults, we feel (or perceive) a problem, think about how to solve it, and then take action to solve that problem. This process is first encountered as an infant when we recognize a need, cry, and then discover a solution.

In an infant’s life, this is best learned in the feeding process. The baby gets hungry, which causes her stomach to contract. This doesn’t feel very good, so she cries. When a caregiver responds with food, the baby is then responsible to take action by sucking, thus meeting her need. This is the one case where a baby can take action to meet her own need—that is, of course, with the help of the caregiver. If the caregiver does not respond with food, then the baby does not have the opportunity to take action in solving her problem.

Realistically, most of a baby’s needs cannot wait for crying. If a baby is wet, you certainly can’t wait until he cries from rash or infection—that would be abuse. Additionally, you shouldn’t wait for a baby to cry before you pick him up and hold him. The point is simply that it’s okay for a baby to cry, so long as you meet his need—especially when it comes to food because in this case, sucking is the solution rather than crying. Thus the child learns to solve his own problem, which will help him take action in problem solving later in life.

In all this, we have to remain developmentally appropriate. An infant is not at all ready to even attempt independence. That time doesn’t really come until she starts to crawl and explore her world around the age of six months. But even then, she’s not ready to move out and get a job—she still needs plenty of nurture and care to help her be who she is now rather than who she is going to be.

There’s no sense trying to make an elementary school-age child do high school work. Likewise, it would be silly to make a toddler do elementary school work. And in the same way, it makes no sense to push a baby to behave like a toddler. Each child will show signs that they’re ready to be independent when the time comes for that. Until then, the baby needs to be a baby. Remember, one of the most important things at this stage is for the baby to simply be. They need to learn to be secure in their existence—not pushed to be anything else. They don’t need to drive a car, and they don’t need to be independent. They need to be a baby, and they therefore need you.

With that said, the baby does not need constant attention from Mom and Dad. Sometimes someone else can take over: a responsible sibling, a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a neighbor, a friend, or a child care professional. Other times, if the baby is content, it’s okay to let him sit alone for a short while (with supervision, of course). The important part is that all of the baby’s needs continue to be met—body, soul, and spirit.

Dealing with the Sinful Condition

We hate the thought of a baby being sinful, but it is nevertheless a biblical fact. Because Adam and Eve sinned so long ago, we are all born into sin. This does not necessarily condemn infants to hell—God has promised that He will have mercy on whom He’ll have mercy and compassion on whomever He chooses. God is a loving Father who will sort all these things out according to His own wisdom, kindness, and compassion. We don’t have to concern ourselves with matters such as these—we simply need to realize that we’re all born with a sinful nature that needs to be redeemed by Jesus Christ.

Even more difficult for us than accepting the fact of a baby’s sinful nature is the idea that a baby is capable of actually committing sin. While their body and soul seem to be developing in innocence, their spirit is still able to sin. That’s right: your human spirit is capable of sin. Psalm 32:2 says that one can have deceit in their spirit. In Psalm 51:10, David asks God to renew a steadfast spirit within Him, implying that the current state of his spirit is faltering. Likewise, the Lord told Ezekiel in chapter 36:26 that He would give Israel a new heart and a new spirit to replace their current heart of stone. And in 2 Corinthians 7:1, the Apostle Paul admonishes us to “cleanse ourselves from all defilement of…spirit.”

Now, if a baby has a functional human spirit then that spirit is capable of activity just as much as their body and soul. There may not be a lot of activity at this young age, but some activity is still activity! And if the spirit of a baby is capable of activity, then it is also capable of sin just like the rest of us. The Bible even mentions this about babies.

Psalm 58:3—Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward and speak lies (NIV).
Isaiah 48:8b—…Well do I know how treacherous you are; you were called a rebel from birth (NIV).

Also consider the story of the man born blind. While we often try to explain it away as naivety on the part of the disciples, they asked a question of Jesus that seems to suggest the possibility of sinning within the womb. In John 9:2, the disciples ask, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus’ response is interesting. He doesn’t rebuke them for the “silly notion” of a person sinning before they were born, and He doesn’t say that sin cannot cause a physical problem. He simply says in this case that neither sinned, and then He goes on to explain God’s purpose and heal the man. Maybe the disciples weren’t as clueless here as we often make them out to be—perhaps they were basing their question on the scriptures mentioned above.

Regardless of the interpretation of John 9:2, the other two scriptures mentioned still remain as evidence of babies being capable of sin. And while those scriptures speak of waywardness, deceit, treachery, and rebellion, perhaps the most common form of sin carried out in the spirit of an infant is actually judging.

The human spirit is capable of experiencing and forming judgments about people and the world even when the human brain still cannot process those experiences. As we’ve already discussed, science has proven that babies can form judgments from even inside the womb. These judgments are purely based on perception rather than reality. Sometimes things work out—the baby is loved by mom, and the baby perceives love from mom; then he forms the judgment that mom loves him. But what about when the mother cannot (or does not) convey love to her baby? Potentially, the baby may decide that he is not loved—whether or not it’s true—and even start to hate or resent his mother. Thus his pursuit of understanding the world has evolved into a judgment and condemnation that could potentially cause problems for the rest of his life unless there is intervention from God.

Clearly, Jesus Christ, through the power of the Holy Spirit, can heal these inner wounds later in life; but we’re not dealing with that in this teaching. Our purpose here is to figure out how to provide the most effective ministry to infants, which brings us to a sobering scripture:

Luke 17:1-2—Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin (NIV).

As a caregiver, you have the capacity to either convey the love of Christ and nurture a baby’s spirit, or you can neglect the baby’s spiritual growth and possibly lead her into sin. Perhaps she’ll judge you. Perhaps she’ll hate you. Perhaps you’ll throw her into a fit of rage. Ministry to infants is an awesome responsibility. You don’t have the luxury of explaining yourself or offering excuses. You’ve got one shot to impact them for eternity, and God will hold you directly responsible for any sin you might have caused a baby to commit.

That’s why, as caregivers, we need to constantly cry out for grace from God. Apart from His grace, we will only have one failure after the next; but with His grace, we can be beautiful representations of Christ to the babies we care for. You can expect to fail now and then; but if you’re asking for grace, God can shield the baby and protect her from being wounded. As long as we think we can raise the child on our own, we will fall miserably; but we can do all things through Christ.

The only way to convey the Gospel to babies is through direct contact. If you want to teach a baby that God loves him, then you need to start by showing him what love is. If you want him to trust God in the future, then you need to help the baby develop the capacity for trust. If you want him to understand that he has a destiny and a purpose, then you need to nurture the child’s identity by simply helping him to be.

All these things require great care and loving attention working hand-in-hand with the grace of God through Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. We need to rely on God and seek Him for help. And then we need to be an active part of the baby’s life. We need to feed her, clothe her, change her, bathe her, hold her, talk to her, sing to her, rock her, dance with her, walk with her, read to her, play with her, and more. When an infant is placed in our care, we become agents of God charged with the responsibility of representing Him and helping one of His children to understand love, trust, and personal validity. The physical, emotional, and spiritual nurture that you provide will till the ground in a baby’s heart so that the seeds of the Gospel will find good fertile soil when the time comes.

My fiancé Robin's parents own a nursery school where I work part time. It's a distinctly Christian school, including a daily Bible story and prayer before snack and meal times. Nevertheless, we get children of many religions all the time.

For instance, I once stepped on a spider and a little Indian boy said, "You should not kill the spider--that could be your grandfather!" This young man had no-doubt been engrained with his culture's teaching of reincarnation.

Also, a couple days ago, I was helping with lunch when the mother of one child came in to drop off a more religiously acceptable food choice. The teacher asked her, "Does that necklace he wears have any sort of meaning?"

"Oh yes," replied the mother--then she got a little shy, "I guess it's supposed to ward off evil spirits." She went on to tell about how when her son was a baby, he had all sorts of sicknesses. Then they took him to "a spiritual man" who said that he should wear some sort of black beaded jewelry to keep the evil spirits away. So they got him that necklace, which he never takes off, and he's had good health ever since.

Stories like these teach me two things: First, we should realize that children are capable of learning and practicing spiritual truths at very young ages. So if you want your child to grow up in the ways of the one true God, then you shouldn't be afraid to let them actively participate in your faith. Educate them, demonstrate your faith, and teach them the reasons for your beliefs. They may not have a fully functioning capacity for logic and reason just yet, but children are very good at observing things to see if they're actually believable. And second, I've learned that some children from other religions are more outspoken about their family's faith than Christian children! This is a sad reality that should support my case for teaching Christian beliefs to your kids.

Now for the personal testimony:

I was basically raised in church. From the time I was two weeks old, I was atteding on a weekly basis. I had no choice in the matter, and my parents allowed me to be an active participant in experiencing God.

As a baby, I was diagnosed with a heart murmer. This should have been life-threatening, but my parents took me to the pastor for prayer and the Lord miraculously healed me! I was only a few months old at the time. I probably didn't have a clue what was going on, but I can imagine that my spirit was very much aware of God's presence even at that young age.

For that matter, my mother would sing worship songs to the Lord instead of lullabies as she rocked me to sleep. And as I got older, she dealt with the "monsters" in my room through prayer, which worked! (I'll write more about this at a later date).

By the time I was five years old, I was telling my neighborhood friends about how much Jesus loved them and inviting them to church. At six, I regularly prayed with sincere tears for my brother who had gone off to California to play music in bars and live a wild life (within a year, he came back to Christ). At seven, I had started fasting on occasion; and at eight, I was baptized in water.

The list goes on. By no means was I a perfect person all my life--in fact, I messed up a lot. But when I reached the age of about seventeen, my upbringing caught up with me. The rich spiritual seeds my parents planted in me early on began to bear fruit.

So how young should you start teaching your faith to your kids? Start when they're in the womb! If you wait, they won't have a response for the friend who thinks his grandfather is a spider or that his necklace will keep away evil spirits. Let your children shine the light of Christ to their friends as you cultivate their spiritul growth from birth!

God bless!
--Art--

As the director of LifeSavers Kids Club in Ypsilanti and Garden City, Michigan, I hold the responsibility of conveying the deep concepts of God in a way that children (6- to 12-years-old) can understand. I'm sure you're probably reading this blog because you have a similar responsibility, whether to your own children or as a minister, etc. It's not always an easy task and usually involves a creative translation and a great deal of patience (from both the kids and adults!). Today I attempted to teach about the human Body, Soul, and Spirit; and I thought the information below might help you convey these things to your kids.

The lesson began on a white board with a drawing of three circles: 1 large outer circle, 1 medium inside, and 1 smaller still in the middle--looking much like a target. Without coercion, they all agreed that the body was the larger outside circle and the two inner circles were up for debate...but we settled on the soul being the medium circle and the spirit the smallest of the three. That being said, then came the good part!

BODY
The body is easy to define; it's basically our flesh. With all of its complexities and mysteries, it’s the most tangible part of who we are. The body has obvious needs (food, water, etc.) by which it grows to maturity.

SOUL
To many, the soul has been a little more elusive of a clear definition. So for the sake of simplifying the illustration, we defined the soul as being our mind, will, and emotions. The soul is still somewhat simple to identify--mostly by its physical expressions of thoughts and desires (such as laughing, crying, etc.). Its needs include knowledge and positive social interaction.

SPIRIT
The spirit was the most interesting topic of discussion and surprisingly easy for the kids to define. They used words such as "energy," "power" and "life." I tried to explain further by saying that it’s the invisible part of you that Jesus comes into when you ask Him "into your heart," and He lives there with you. Jesus originally gave you your spirit, and it grows the same way your body and soul grow: by feeding it!

I illustrated with a story of a boy whose leg stopped growing one day while the rest of his body continued to grow. Of course in the beginning it was barely noticeable, recognizable only as a slight limp. But as the rest of him continued to grow, his limp became more and more noticeable. Finally he became a grown man with a boy’s leg. This made life more difficult for the boy.

It’s the same way with our spirit. As our bodies and souls grow, so too should our spirits. If any of the three stops growing, life becomes difficult at best. At some point in our lives we become responsible for nourishing ourselves--body, soul, and spirit--and it’s up to us at that point to feed all three. But perhaps more importantly, we need to recognize when the growing has stopped!

Do what you can to help your kids see the importance of feeding their spirit through scripture reading, prayer, godly actions, Christ-like decisions, worship, and so forth. It's always important to put practical tools in your kids' hands.

For deeper information on this topic, check out Art's article: Body, Soul, and Spirit - What is Life?.

~Tom

This year, Mother's Day shares its thunder with Pentecost--the day when the Holy Spirit first poured out on the Church (see Acts, chapter 2). Maybe I'm a little hokey, but I couldn't help but note how well these two topics go hand in hand. Any mother's greatest source of strength and direction should be the Holy Spirit!

I was raised in a healthy Christian home with a strong Pentecostal heritage (Assemblies of God, specifically). My mom and dad were baptized in the Holy Spirit long before I was born, and I was raised in a family who relied on the voice and power of God.

Sometimes it backfired for me, though! Having a mom who was sensitive to the Holy Spirit often meant that she was wise to my schemes. I couldn't get away with anything!

But the Lord's work through my parents was always in my favor--they had an endless supply of wisdom, peace, love, joy, and patience simply because they were filled to overflowing with His presence. In this way, I wasn't just raised by my mom and dad--I was raised by the Holy Spirit through them!

If you want to be an effective parent, raising your children into godly young men and women, then I would recommend very strongly that you seek the Holy Spirit for wisdom, character, insight, and supernatural power! Our Father in heaven longs to give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!

Remember, Mother's Day and Pentecost go hand-in-hand!

Christians love to use the scripture in Proverbs that says to "train up a child in the way he should go." I wonder, though, if we get the full meaning of what is being said there. Here it is in the Amplified Bible, which expands on the meanings of words in the original Hebrew:

Proverbs 22:6--Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it. (AMP)

Sort of puts a different spin on it, doesn't it?

To "train up a child in the way he should go" does not mean to force your kids into a mold or to decide for yourself what that "way" is. Rather, it means to seek out God's plan for your kids. Identify their gifts and listen to their interests--try to aim them at God's purpose for their lives.

Ephesians 6:4 reminds us, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." In other words, don't bring them up in your own training and instruction--that's exasperating! Rather, bring them up in the Lord's training and instruction! We need to keep our focus on Christ at all times!

If you do this, then "when they are old, they will not depart from it." By helping your child discover their identity at a young age, they won't have to struggle so much trying to figure it out on their own as an adolescent. Furthermore, as they enter adulthood, they will already have a firm foundation in Christ from which they will not depart.

Train up your children according to their individual gifts and in the instruction of the Lord!

God bless!
--Art--

Yesterday, I received the following e-mail from a concerned parent. I thought it would be a good way to start this blog out because it is so closely related to my own story and personal testimony. I should say that the nature of this particular blog post is for an adult audience and deals with childhood sexuality. The names have been changed to maintain annonymity, and some of it has been edited to aid in readability:

Dear Art,

After reading your testimony, I have a question for you. My son Mark is 8 and has a friend who he goes over to his house about once a week. We know their family quite well and their son is an only child and needed a lot of help learning to become a good friend and get socialized, so my friend was begging me to send him over to help. They have a lot of fun together and my son likes going over there. About 6 months ago, though, my friend said that her son thought it would be funny to take their pants off and underwear and like "have a war" with their penises or something like that. So they were in his bedroom and when she went in they were on his top bunk with their penises out. Nothing (thank God) happened as far as them touching each other or anything, but it really freaked her out and she was distraught over it. I really wasn't that upset about it, I just thought it was a normal "boy exploration" thing. But then a couple weeks ago I overhead her saying to him, "No Timmy, you don't kiss boys and don't kiss anyone!" Then he said, "Well I just did this..." and made a noise with his mouth. He really enjoys playing with girls. Any advice on this?

We also live in a townhome complex where I have taken many of the children to church, and ministerd the Gospel to them, but we have many new families moving in and about 30-40 kids with about all of them coming from dysfunctionl families in some way or another. The oldest ones are in high school. I call them the Little Rascals because (besides our family and our children) the kids are out by themselves all the time just hanging out with each other. I am with my children when they are outside, but now that Mark is 8 I do let him go sledding in the winter with the other kids and play in our front yard with some of them. But there are always many kids outside and many ages; and like I said, I am praying for them all and their families--but they come from rough situations. Where do you draw the balance between wisdom and fear? I pray, plead the blood of Jesus, intercede, pray in the Spirit for them--all of that. At what point do I trust God to protect them without me always being there?

Any wisdom or thoughts would help about both situations. I guess the whole point of the story with his friend is if you were a parent, would you be more cautious? At first my friend said they can't play with the door closed, etc. But that changed and now when she picks him up--I am never there, and she is usually not really paying much attention to what they are doing.

Blessings, Anne.

Here is the reply I sent to Anne:

Hi there Anne,

Thanks for the great questions and your faith in my ability to answer. Although I’m not a parent, I have an Associate’s Degree in Child Development and nine years of experience working with all ages of kids, so at least I’ve got a little background to draw from.

Regarding your son and his friend, I believe I once heard Dr. James Dobson say that the healthiest thing you can do is not make a huge deal about it, but rather talk very matter-of-factly with your son about why certain things should be kept private. You were right about it being “normal boy exploration.” I think one of the wisest things would be to help counsel the other boy’s mother about how to deal with the situation properly. If parents get all upset about such a thing, a child won’t understand why--but they will learn that their genitals are "bad" or "evil," which can cause problems later in life. Kids need gentle, matter-of-fact conversation about sexual matters, and they need coaching about what to do if someone is approaching them sexually.

To tell you the truth, I think I was probably 8 years old when my friend down the street took the neighborhood boys under his porch and explained the birds and the bees to us. Hearing it from a kid in a secretive way made sex seem like something dirty, secretive, rebellious, and silly. If I had heard the truth from my parents first, presenting it in a godly way, my life may have been different. I know one of the turning points in my life came when I started reading up on the God-given purpose for sex and the spiritual ramifications behind it. Without that understanding, there’s no other reason to abstain or avoid unhealthy sexual situations. Even the "scare" approach of teaching STDs is not effective unless it comes in conjunction with a teaching about God’s plan for sex (people can be reminded that when two people stay pure before and during marriage, there is no chance of an STD). I’m not saying, though, that you need to explain STDs to your 8-year-old (unless, of course, the Lord leads you to). My point is that sex needs to be understood for what it is in the body, soul, and spirit. As long as it remains a mysterious, dark thing, Satan can get a grip on the child’s mind. But Satan has no grip on that which has been brought into the light. Even though 8-years-old seems too young for "the talk," if he doesn’t get it at home now, someone will certainly tell him outside the home. I know of kids as young as 6 who have been introduced to the whole process (usually by friends with older siblings who were not taught in a healthy way).

As for letting your son play alone, there comes a point when you need to trust the Holy Spirit and the conscience that you’ve raised up in your son. If you have explained what things to be careful of (unhealthy sexual interaction, drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc.), then you’ve done your part as a parent where these matters are concerned. No parent will ever be able to catch everything the devil throws at their child. We need to remember that as a parent, you are simply God’s steward taking care of one of His kids that He has so lovingly given to you. In other words, trust Him to do the rest of the parenting. Hovering over your son translates to him that you don’t trust him, and that filters through a child’s soul to wound their identity. As a result, instead of just thinking, "Mom doesn’t trust me," they internalize it and believe it is who they are. They view themselves as "untrustworthy"--as if that’s "who they are"--and then their actions follow suit. A child’s beliefs about their identity carry far more weight than mere rules about what things to avoid. A child can know all the rules; but if they believe that they are untrustworthy, they will make decisions accordingly.

In short, you don’t need to hover over your son--God can do that (He’s a professional at the whole "hovering" business--Genesis 1:2 says He did it through eternity past "over the surface of the deep!"). :-)

Keep praying actively for your son. God will handle everything you can’t. Even though I experienced some rough things in my childhood, I always felt that my parents trusted me, which actually kept me out of a lot of trouble. Not wanting to break their trust played on my conscience often. If your son feels loved and trusted at home, he’s more likely to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s still small voice when he’s out in the neighborhood or at a friend’s house. This is where the line between wisdom and fear comes in. Talk to your son about the rough family situations that these neighborhood kids come from. Explain to him what kinds of "hurts" they might have in their hearts from not having a mom or dad, or from having a family that isn’t serving Jesus. Explain to him that God has a purpose for him and that he might be the only person who ever showed Jesus to these other kids. Explain what it is to "show them Jesus." Talk about demonstrating the love of God through his actions and the purity of God through his decisions. Then tell him that you and God are trusting him with a big responsibility: to be a light in the darkness.

By giving your son a mission to carry out, it will be easier for him to understand his purpose. This is his true identity. Again, his beliefs about his identity carry far more weight than rules or good advice. When your son comes home from playing, ask him if he got to share Jesus in any way. If he says yes, rejoice with him and talk about how that might impact the people involved. If he says no, then simply ask him what he did with his friends; then try to help him see even little ways that he might have shared Jesus without knowing it (like "having fun" while playing soccer, playing well on a team, or being a good friend). The more you keep things positive and the less pressure there is when mistakes are made, the better.

All this stuff sounds awkward to jump right into if it’s new to you, but it’s healthy and worthwhile. In summary, (1) spend more time ministering to your son’s identity than you spend explaining rules; (2) build relationships with the other moms so you can help them be better parents and so you can set an example for your son of what it is to “be a light;” (3) treat sexual matters with gentleness and truthfulness about the physical and spiritual aspects of purity; (4) keep praying for your son and his friends; and (5) let God handle all the aspects of parenting that you’re unable to participate in. As long as you stay faithful to you responsibilities and don’t try to do God’s part, you’ll have a lot more peace as a parent…which actually makes you a better parent!

Thank you for entrusting these questions to me; I hope I’ve conveyed some godly wisdom here. Please pray about what I’ve shared and weigh the advice because I’m not a guru of infinite knowledge--I’m just a fellow Christian seeking to honor God. Check with the Word of God and the inner witness of the Holy Spirit. Also, if something didn’t make sense, or if you have other concerns, feel free to ask more questions--I’d be happy to answer.

Thanks again, and God bless!
--Art--

Why a New Blog about Spiritual Growth in Children?

Hi friends,

For some time, I've had people suggesting and requesting that I write a blog about children and their spiritual development. After nearly nine years of working with children, a degree in child development, and building an extensive background in Christian counseling, I've finally accepted this challenge!

I should say, I'm not a parent myself; but I think it would be wise to share some of my credentials. I've worked with all ages (from infants to teenagers). I was a paraprofessional for children with special needs at Northville Christian School for four years where I also monitored after-school child care and tutored children part time. I also spent two semesters working at the Schoolcraft College Children's Center. Later, I was a boys' counselor at Real Life Day Camp for three summers and have worked at Real Life Nursery School for the past six years. I also served as Dean of Men one summer at a Royal Family Kids' Camp and was a music leader there the year before. I have served on sectional, divisional, district, regional, and national staff in the Royal Rangers, and was part of writing their new curriculum in 2001. I was a youth pastor (Junior High and Senior High) at Fowlerville Freedom Center, A/G, for three years; and I've been pastoring young adults for the past two years.

I have been studying Christian Counseling, Inner Healing, and deliverance for the past seven years and have learned most of it all through personal application. Over the past several years, the Holy Spirit has been transforming my life by bringing many things from my past to light so they can be dealt with. The posts in this blog will flow from these experiences and the many examples I've developed over the years while working with children.

I look forward to sharing the little tidbits I've picked up over the years! Feel free to ask specific questions by e-mailing Art@SupernaturalBlogger.com.

Thanks,
--Art--